I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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