and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
