Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
