Christians are straight up FREAKS
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
