I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
