I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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