i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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