When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
