when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
