im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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