God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Randomize