We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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