Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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