Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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