the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
