I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
