i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
