Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
