It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
