I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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