i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I want is dick and wine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
