Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
