someone owes me an orgasm
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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