I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
