Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
