If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
