does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
