No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
