In the future we'll all be gay
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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