my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
