i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
