There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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