so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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