You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize