You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
