I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
