I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
