I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
