It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Boobs are out for the taking
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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