At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
