do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
