Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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