So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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