Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
