**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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