i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
