His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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