I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
