I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
