So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
