He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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