So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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