I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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