You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
