i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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