Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
