First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
