Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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