so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
