it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
