She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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