shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
