He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
