My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
