I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
