You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
