Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
