I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
