Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
