Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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