Plan B is the new Plan A
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
