Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
