i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize