How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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