yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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