I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
