Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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