i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
