Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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