My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
