Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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