Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
