you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
