This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
