I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
