True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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